Can you socialize a wildman?

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You can? Well, I wish someone would tell me how! Time’s tick, tick, ticking away!
Even Tarzan could be socialized. Although Tarzan was a fictional character, the thought was there, how to socialize someone brought up by apes.

That’s how I felt when I’d take Drew out to a restaurant or to the library, people would look at him and me as if we were a family of apes.

Do you know what it’s like to be in a restaurant and have someone at a table next to you with a child that’s talking loud and banging the forks, and spoons against the plates and glasses? It’s embarrassing!

There were times I wanted to scream “HE’S not a BAD kid, he’s just BUSY! or “I’m not a bad mother, just taxed to the hilt!”

Unfortunately, I didn’t have help or a support group to lean on. I was truly alone. Alone to raise a child who often left Earth to orbit Pluto or swing from the rings of Saturn.

What hurt me deeply, was the fact that Drew honestly didn’t and still doesn’t understand that he wears on people’s nerves. He thought [thinks] that he was [is] being friendly when in actuality, he’s alienating every living organism he comes in contact with, people, dogs, cats, cows [yes, he even scared a cow].

Telling an ADHD person NO is futile. They look at you as if the word no is a foreign language or as if you have two heads. People honestly thought that I never disciplined my son. I’m here to tell you, I DID!

As I stated earlier, I did spank him and tried time-outs. When he got old enough what did work was getting him into activities that would wear him [me] out. I had to learn how to be hyperactive. I had to find energy from somewhere to be able to go, go, GO.

But, taking my son out around other people in a social atmosphere was a huge problem. It had gotten to the point where going to restaurants or to visit friends and family was out of the question. He didn’t understand that his friendliness was unacceptable [you can’t throw things at someone or run up and hit someone to show them affection] and friends and family didn’t or wouldn’t understand that Drew was [is] … different.

Drew’s now grown [26] and he still has no impulse control. Just last night [as with every night], he came into my room and threw a towel at the dog. Yes, he still comes into my room at night to tell me about something he’s seen on t.v. or to ask me “what are you doing.” I’m talking about 2 or 3 in the morning when, my eyes are closed and my mouth is open — he wants to know; “what are you doing Mom?”

When he comes into my room, the cat runs and hides [she’s not stupid], the poor dog, he’s to big to climb under the bed — trust me, he would if he could.

I wish I’d known then, about teaching how to role-play. Yet, teaching him the different techniques for impulse control is futile, if the parent can’t be consistent or have someone else to help them when they’re not around. I had to work, babysitters wouldn’t take him to therapy, my parents wouldn’t take him so…

I found this web site: Social Skills 101|ADDitude -ADHD, it talks about role-playing and how the therapist helps the child think before he acts. The therapist helps the child:

  1. Define the problem.
  2. Acknowledge bad feelings
  3. Discuss alternative ways to respond
  4. Reenact the situation
  5. Celebrate success

Great! Now what about an ADHD adult who needs the same therapy. A grown man who refuses to go for counseling? A grown man who can’t keep a job because he can’t get along with people?

What about them…I don’t know! This is the battle I’m fighting now. Somehow, some way, We’ll figure it out together.

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5 Responses

  1. I have tried just about everything there is and I see no results. I don’t know what to do; my son has ADHD – he is 4 1/2. I feel so bad for the little guy because I know he really is trying. Can anyone help?

  2. hi again still have had no joy had people from attention fife who told me he is showing signs of being hyper but too young to be diagnosed with adhd they gave me herbal remadies that was 6 weeks ago i have senn no change in fac he is getting worse today was a bad day i knew as soon as he got up i was in for a mental ride he would not listen tried to take him to the park what a nightmare did’nt want to play on anything just touched everything hates it if there are other children there eventually got him back up to the house i was for ever going to look for him as he is climing over the fences wants to climb all the time been back at the doctor still cannot help me i m really at the end now i love him and my other kids so much i feel like i have failed he is winning i do not know if i can go on like this my full life is revolved around him i cannot leave him for 2 seconds as he is either breaking something or he is off over the fence and away i cannot deal with bills etc as my head is just constantly spinning i know if i do not get help shortly i will no longer be here as before i do anything to harm my beautiful wee boy i would kill myself first he is a wolf in sheeps clothing angel while he sleeps devil when awake i just want to hold him cuddle and kiss him without the struggle and just want to have good memories of him at the prk etc but i cannot get that as that is not what he wants he wants to destroy destuct everything

    i have no where else to go now for help i do not know if it is worth me being here or if he would get the hlp he needed if i was’nt here

    i have to thankyou for your support and emailing me back

    once again thanks

    linda

  3. You lived my life. My son is 7 and it’s been a battle from the very beginning. I worry though that he’s more than ADHD, I worry he might also be bi-polar. He goes through periods where he’s ok and does fine (with meds) and then he’ll go through periods where every couple of days he’s having an “incident” in his before and after school program…he’s close to getting kicked out of it. I’m at wits end…things just seem so hopeless for him sometimes.

    Anyway, I’m bookmarking this page…I need help and there are links here that seem like maybe they can.

    Thank you for this!

  4. Linda,

    I sent you an email. Please hang in there! There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.

  5. please email me and give me you email address i have tried to post comments but my computer keeps freezing i really need to know the things adhd toddlers get up to cause i think its me and i’m ready to end this unhappy life as noone is gona help me they keep telling me its terrible 2s what the seem to forget is i have 4 other kids oldest 15 then 12 and 11 and 6 and i have’nt experienced anything like this and i say to myself maybe if i were dead i would get 10 mins without him wanting my attention

    please help me

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